Stepping Back into Life

It's been a long time since I wrote a blog so this will be a long one. I'm about to get really real with everyone really quick. Putting it all out there so that you have context and then we can move on! So what exactly have I been up to since my last blog in 2018? I've been keeping my thoughts very personal over the past few years and for good reason. Mostly because I was in such a negative place that I didn't even want to project those thoughts publicly but also because I was battling with, what my therapist explained as severe anxiety. If anyone else has been there, then you know that it's tough enough just to be productive during a day let alone blog about anything when you're depressed and anxious. I was in a sad pattern of work and sleep due to the demands of my job, servicing American clients and European clients and I let everything else go. The time difference was killer and essentially ruining my life!

It was time for a change! In 2019 I left my job, my home and my long-term relationship in Atlanta with the hopes of healing some soul ties that were a little too tight and leaving comfortability that was all wrong for me. I was in a job that although I was good at, I really wasn't confident in the company growth opportunity or happy with settling for a complacent "cubicle gig" in the HR field. I was in a loving relationship but I wanted more than the person who I was with was willing to give me. Honestly it was a good thing! Sometimes people can see you better than you can see yourself and they can save you from yourself. I was in Atlanta, the city that I lived in for over 8 years with great friends that I made there, but missed the relationships with family and laid back lifestyle of home in Charlotte.

I decided that 2020 was going to bring me major change so I left the past behind I moved back into my childhood bedroom, with my overprotective parents and my aging grandma who I love, but keeping it all the way real, she's nosey lol! 2020 Started out with a bang! I found a new groove, full of self care and peace! I had a plan to learn more about wine which was always a passion, and tickets booked to travel. I would go introspective for a while, and develop myself until the end of Summer. According to my plan, In the Fall I'd settle into a job, move into a new home with my dog and be happy near my extended family.

None of those things actually happened! As I was preparing for a trip to China and Thailand in March, Covid-19 was getting worse all over the world. I knew it was going to be a risk to travel to Asia during a pandemic that started in Asia but I masked up and went anyway. It was the best decision ever! China went under a full lockdown and that allowed me to spend even more time in Thailand. I had a lot of reflective moments that I was grateful for but on the last day of my trip the US boarders were closing, the EU as well and I barely made it back home before being stranded abroad. Once I got home I quickly realized that all of my other trips were going to need to be cancelled through at least the summer. I took that time to just be with my family and chill for a few months without stressing income or bills. I was fine financially for at least a year, so I paused for the cause and I went deeper into studying wine education online. (According to my inflexible plan I still had until the Fall to start job searching so I wanted to keep as much as I could on track.)

On the first day of my 2nd level of wine classes I put on real clothes for the first time in weeks and I was setting up my zoom space for class when I got the devastating news that my Father's mom, suddenly passed away. I was forced to push through hours of class while the rest of my family went to her bedside. It was one of the toughest moments of focus ever and the weeks after that were tough too! I honestly don't know how I was able to learn all the material with that grief so heavy on me but I did. I felt the push of my new guardian angel to start my new wine career and then Bam! Covid-19 hit me just weeks after Grandma's death. I'm still studying at this time and I even sat for my wine exam online while having Covid! I am proud to say that I passed the WSET2 exam with flying colors but I don't even remember that day because I was so doped up and in brain fog. I got so sick with Covid that I thought I could die. It hit me hard and stayed for months!! I had every symptom imaginable, and doctors kept prescribing meds while telling me they had no idea how to help or what to do. It was the scariest thing I've dealt with in life because each day felt like it could be the end of my life and I had to feel all of these anxious emotions and symptoms all alone in quarantine.

Coming out of that sickness and out of my dark time I vowed to make the most of my life, to never settle and that's where I am in life now! All of that inner turmoil has lead me to move temporarily to... drumroll please..... FLORENCE ITALY!!! I needed a place where I can roam and marvel at beautiful surroundings while feeling protected from Covid by a government enforcing laws to protect residents. I needed a place where I can drink wine and further my education so what better place than Tuscany, and I needed a moment away to become more confident in myself again. Being in my 2nd week here so far has given me time to listen to God, to eat carbs without mixed emotions and rest my mind so that I can focus! I am at a good point to share my journey with the world as many people have asked me to. The support and love that I have around me is empowering and I THANK YOU ALL!! I'm still a work in progress. I still have PTSD from my Covid experience, and I am still pushing through anxiety attacks to step completely outside my comfort zone because I finally realize the way my mind works. I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't, so why not just take the leap and live with no regrets. I'll keep searching for my Life Less Ordinary because its sooo worth it!! Now that I'm blogging again you're all welcome to join me on the road ahead.