Good Grief

As if 2020 wasn't difficult enough, 2021 started out with some drama of it's own!! Although I'm livin' it up in Italy, I'm not exempt from travelers remorse and so far in 2021 that has been made perfectly clear!

Many people know that my family has been through a lot in the past year or so. We have lost close family friends and multiple relatives in a short period of time. Also myself, family and friends have battled Covid and it's been one worrisome event after another. The newest family member to join our ancestors was a dear cousin of mine and I've really struggled with her death while I'm so far away from my family.

I always have a strong urgency to comfort or assist others in these types of situations, however in this instance, I was forced to "woman up" and stay the course in Italy instead of follow my usual pattern and run back to Charlotte to grieve. After days of trying to organize a quick, covid-safe exit strategy, which was made more difficult because the airport here is closed and the current covid restrictions prohibit non-essential travelling outside the city. I finally decided to sit back and pray on it. I prayed and had time to think about my trajectory and how leaving my classes would affect me in the long run.

I'll admit that it's a downfall of mine to often jump into 'fix it' mode instead of praying first. It isn't easy for me to clear my thoughts and hear God's answers, but when I did get the answer, it was non negotiable. I had to stay overseas, although I was being begged to fly home by my family and seeing them on video chats made my heart hurt! The last thing I ever want to do is to cause more sadness by my presence not being felt.

I realized, that sometimes we all need to have quiet time in the face of storms so that we can see a way out clearly. We all need to prioritize ourselves sometimes in order to get closer to our purpose. We may not even know what the purpose is, but if you are listening in your quiet time, the answers will come and things will start moving in that direction for you. Anxiety makes us rush into fight or flight mode so easily that it seems healthy, but actually, the healthy thing to so it to breathe and just be still! I am grateful to have been reminded of that lately and although I must deal with grief alone here in Florence, I am at peace with everything. It's been good grief, because I've learned lessons from it that I will take into my future. I know my family can't hate me for that and I'm sure my cousin would want it that way too.

RIP LaTonya Wilmore