Comparison Is The Thief of Joy

Ciao! I took time off from writing because I had my priorities in the wrong place. I can admit that now, but in the middle of it, during all of my overthinking I just didn't know it. I was blinded by the tasks on my mental calendar which keep me seemingly productive but not enjoying my days. Truthfully, I can't enjoy much due to the region being locked down, but I was spending time wasting time.

What's been happening with me is that I am taking Italian language courses and it's tough ya'll! In a normal situation I could have an English speaking teacher to translate words and explain grammar to me but I'm in a full immersion course where from day one of basic Italian lessons the teachers only speak Italian and the textbook is completely in Italian. As you can imagine, that makes it very hard to understand what you're doing, what you're learning and what you're reading. I found myself tuning out in class and just listening to how pretty the words sound instead of trying to understand what the words mean LOL.

I started stressing over how I was doing and comparing myself to others in class and I decided that I needed a week to buckle down and play catch up. Somehow in my mind that one week would make all the difference and I'd know double the amount of Italian when the week was over. Boy was I wrong! Some things you just can't force! I had my priorities out of wack! All of the studying that I did only made me feel like I still wasn't getting good enough and I was stressing! I have a tendency to obsess over perfection and taking a page form the Italians book of life I needed to just let it flow. So in an effort to reel myself back from the negative thoughts and the stress which was preventing me from retaining information, I decided to just spend a few days relaxing, reprioritizing my joy and studying for only a few minutes per day. I reaffirmed that I don't have to be the best at everything. I don't have to do things perfectly and I shouldn't be comparing myself to my classmates because I have no idea how much Italian they knew before starting the class 6 weeks ago. They could have been living in Italy weeks or months before me, learning way longer than I had been. I should be proud of the small victories because it all matters!

I needed tine to remind myself that I came into this journey knowing only about 5 Italian phrases so for me to be at the point that I am now, whether it's on track with a syllabus or not, it's phenomenal! My goal while I'm here is studying wine, so if I leave this Italy only able to speak pre-school level Italian, but being a boss at blind tasting wines, then it's a win! I also don't have to fill each moment of each day with productivity. It's ok to just sleep in, eat Nutella and drink wine... but not too much! I'm here for culture, for safety from the covid-19 virus and for peace of mind. I'm still proud of myself for even moving here! That was very daring!! How dare I make myself feel inadequate!

Don't let comparison steal your joy! It can easily take hold of your thoughts but fight it by finding joy and gratitude in aspects of your life. Eventually Joy will come naturally, along with a growth in your self-esteem and positivity!